Smoke

The door opened,

You walked towards me,

Giant steps,

Loud thuds.

I was there,

Soaked in blood,

I lay painless.

You touched me.

You grew on my blood,

Laughed at my tears,

You took my heart in your hand,

Heard its silence and chuckled.

And then you took your steps backwards.

I lifted my hand,

In vain,

I felt dead,

There was no pain,

I was dead.

And then I heard

The last thud

A last chuckle.

You disappeared,

The door closed.

Did You Know Why?

Intoxication, high

Most of the times, you don't know why.

I speak, three wonder creating words,

You smile, I wait for you to be heard.

I see you again,

With a look, same

I speak again

But this time, you don't feign

A smile, you cry

I thought I knew why.

I run my fingers through your hair

Hold you for long, it was only fair

You deserved this,

I didn't know what I'd missed.

I sit down beside you,

Speak words, new.

"You share your dreams, I'll tell you mine,

Together we'll create a dream, make our lives sublime"

You smile at me weakly,

You knew I am beaming,

You shake your head and walk away.

She says she feels sorry and holds your hand,

You wrap your arms around her, not a word you say.

I see you again,

With a look, same

You turn around and so do I,

If only you'd told me,

Why the intoxication, why the high.

Dazed, Amazed, Awed.

“The laws that lay down who should be loved, and how. / And how much" (The God Of Small Things, 311).

And that one quote summarizes the whole book.

First published in 1997, I think it was just the right time for me read this. Not too old to over-understand and then to judge and not too young to confuse completely. Since it’s more than a decade old, there’s no point in me telling you the story. Moreover, it’s very difficult to narrate the story. The book is written in non-linear form, which is confusing yet so brilliant. It follows a narrative style like that of Shadow Lines (by Amitav Ghosh. Another masterpiece, I must say) but the plot, I think, is much more complex. There are even lesser closures and the end couldn't have been more abrupt. Yet, I love it for its themes, the undaunted portrayal of love and the true portrayal of manipulation and power relations. I am still dazed and I think I’ll have to read once again to completely absorb it.

There is a lot of dramatic characterization in the book but that too is quite subtle and punched with bits of direct characterization in between. So it’s quite hard to say which one was my favorite character. But I think it was Velutha. He was absent for most part of the book and it took me some time to understand why he loved the two-egg twins so much. But when I did and when he died, even before I read the final chapter, I’ve never felt such remorse for any fictional character as for him. He was betrayed – first by his own father, then by his Comrade Pillai and then, unknowingly, by the child he loved so much-Estha.

He knew what his caste meant, he knew what repercussions his action would have, he knew there might not be a ‘tomorrow’ and so it happened and yet the only truth in his life and in Ammu’s life was their love.

Maybe it’s only because I’m smitten by the idea of love, but the way Arundhati Roy has explored it is fantastic. The love between Ammu and Velutha broke all barriers, literally. Different castes and what a place to love each other. Baby Kochamma’s love for Father Mulligan – attained truly in his death. Chacko’s unconditional and almost blind love for Margaret Kochamma and their daughter.

The twins’ love for each other triumphs over all of them. Truly, it was never you and me for them. They were always ‘we’.

One character that truly saddens me is Estha. He turned into a recluse, I think, because he realized what he did to Velutha, because he said “But that will be never” to Ammu, because the “orangelemondrink man” violated him and he never opened up to anyone. Estha, “the Practical One” was manipulated throughout the book. Rahel was rebel. She resisted the manipulation, fought it when she could and learned to live on her own. But Estha is one of the saddest literary characters ever (in my knowledge).

I’m awed by her language. Her sentences. Her words. The lack of proper closures, some missing bits which I wanted to know, specially Estha’s life in detail in his father’s house make me restless but I’ll live. :)

It deserves another read. And you can’t understand it one go. There are so many things that I'm missing out on but I can't possible explain each of them. Beautiful quotes in between which you should probably mark out. Great work, inspires me.

Vodka Shot Numero Tres

Hum ne bahane se, chhup ke zamane se, palkon ke parde main ghar bhar liya..

The music of this song randomly popped in my head and I YouTube-ed it immediately to pacify the desperate urge I had to listen to this song. And I realized what I fool I’d been that I didn’t have it in my phone. (Which reminds me that I need a great result for an iPod so I can store all my songs in it. And DU is taking forever!)

Ae Zindagi, Gale Laga Le. Beautiful song, beautiful lyrics. I know everything about the movie, Sadma – the movie in which this song is played but have never had the guts to watch it because what I saw was the last scene. Every time I think about it, it gives me goose bumps. I cannot bear to watch such a wonderful relationship end in blood and how! But I must say, the movie was a masterpiece.

The five minute song delicately shows almost every aspect of their relationship. It moves your heart and Sridevi’s impeccable performance caresses your soul. You can relate so much to the lyrics that it’s almost as if it’s about your life.

I have never been a fan of South Indian remakes but this and Hindustani, both with Kamal Hassan in the lead, mesmerized me.

Go and listen to it first, even before reading this, if you haven’t heard the song yet. 


And then wish yourself a very Happy New Year, from me. :)

Vodka Shot Numero Dos

Have you ever thought about dreams? Not our dreams of life, but the dreams we dream when we are asleep. It’s a world in its own, don’t you think? Whatever explanations I’ve heard on them never satisfied me. Dreams are intriguing, sometimes troubling, excruciating, intricate yet magnificent, beautiful, hopeful, significant. Where do they come from? From our thoughts but how does something we see, while we are asleep, recreate the feeling of touch. So much so that you can even feel the other person breathe in your dream. And not just of anybody, it is that of the exact same person you’ve been dreaming about. How do locations change? What do these dreams mean? Should they be taken as signs?

They’re so colorful yet so sad because we can never truly interpret it rightly. But maybe, it is better if, in this world of so many not desired meanings and unwanted answers, some things are left to our own personal imagination… 

An Affair with Bollywood – Commas but No Full Stops

It started as a beauty, still is but now it has become like the moon – a beauty with a little more than required marks on her face. 2012 marks its 100 years – the Cinema of India, better known as Bollywood. 

When I was asked to do an assignment on it (the joys of journalism!), I realized that it was impossible to capture all the aspects of this hundred-year-old huge, majestic empire ruled by the actors, the singers, the versatile and these days, the skin-showers. The first movie I watched in a theater was Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at the age of 5. And since then, I’ve been in an on and off relationship with it. I was never a huge, die-hard fan of Bollywood. I just liked movies in theaters, something to pass time and an exclusive luxury because my parents were never great fans.  I lost faith in Bollywood when I switched to Star Movies, HBO and the likes. Each movie, however big a hit, disappointed me. It was only Lage Raho Munnabhai, Bheja Fry, Khosla Ka Ghosla (comedies all of them, I now realize) that kept a bit of hope alive. Now, when I came to college, I started understanding a bit more. And thanks to Shreya Katuri, a friend and an AC (quite a cliché, but that’s what she is!) of Bollywood, I was back in tune with Bolly again.

The history made me realize that this nation has had ample supply of great cinema. I’m not in any position to review any of Dada Sahib Phalke’s or Save Dada’s works but they gave the shape to Indian cinema, as it is now. The evergreens have given it an augmented definition. And the new comers are, well, distorting and making and distorting again and re-making.

Sadly, no movie can recreate the history of Raj Kapoor’s magnificence or Guru Dutt’s delineation of the tragic mood in his films. There can’t be something as grand as Mughal-e-Azam or something as simplistic as Shree 420. These movies were carved with perfection. Even a comedy like Choti Si Baat or Golmaal displayed excellence. They were not movies which were built around one-liners or funny dialogues like Ready, Damadamm or Bheja Fry-II.

Today, Bollywood is more about who is the highest paid or who has had more relationships etcetera, things which should be of least importance. A bit of fault here is of the audience too who cannot appreciate Sahib, Biwi aur Gangster, Dev D or That Girl in Yellow Boots. They want movies like Bodyguard and Wanted, a supply of which is uninterrupted thanks to Salman Khan. With Ra.One, Shahrukh seems to have disappointed many, but that doesn’t dent the popularity of action movies with really animated fight scenes.

Another audience accepted, at least most of them, formula is sleaze. Saw the hype around The Dirty Picture or Love, Sex aur Dhoka? I watched just the former one and it gave me a headache. Sleaze makes the movie sparkling, no doubt and I’m not a conservative bitch, but right amounts and right portrayal is quite important. And also, the new trend of whorish names with a slutty adjective/activity which you know is here to stay, for bad, when Karan Johar has “Chikni Chameli’.

There is so much more I want to say about Bollywood. But this post can cover only this much or you’ll stop reading. I wish Bollywood has a better class. Nonetheless, I love it. For the music, the colors and entertainment, entertainment and entertainment.

I Want You - Like Crazy - But Baby You're So Far Away.

Just saw the movie Like Crazy. Halfway through it, I’d almost lost faith in long distance relationships. Thankfully, the end was slightly positive though highly ambiguous. Did they no longer love each other like the way they used to? I almost cried. The way they hugged when they met after a long time, the way she stared at empty metros where they’d travelled together. I am a sort of an emotional fool, but you have to see it to feel it. It is heartbreaking to know that they probably separated after the shower. For my satisfaction, I believe they lived happily ever after. But after their encounters with other partners in each others’ absence, I don’t know. It’s more heartbreaking than ever.

I don’t know why everyone makes such hype about long distance relationships. Why can’t they work out? The bracelet Jacob gifts Anna, indeed, what was written on it was the key – patience. Who knows whether you’re meant to be? Who knows if you will separate forever? What you do know is that you’re one, not physically, but in love, in thoughts.

With patience, comes trust. You have to be patient enough to understand that nothing can go on in their life in your absence because you mean the world to them. You trust them, they trust you and that is where you establish the root of your long distance relationship.

You can’t get involved with someone else. Because if that works out, then there wouldn’t have been a long distance in the first place. You decide on something when you say Okay let’s how it works out but in your hearts of heart, you believe in it truly. So you wouldn’t be seen dead with someone else. 

Need I mention this? It’s love. It binds you and it is the reason why you’re here in the first place. Nurture it, preserve it, cherish it and believe in it. And it will get you through and make you happier than ever.

Stop whining about how you’re the only one who calls them. It’s okay to keep making the effort. After all, what counts is whether you talked and not who initiated the conversation – unless you’ve fought of course. The important thing is to keep the conversations going even if you have run out of things to talk about. As a matter of fact, if you’re in love, you can have a conversation with having nothing to talk about.

In today’s world, when there is ample access to internet and other devices that keep you connected 24/7, there is no reason why long distance relationships should be so difficult to take and hard to maintain – unless, of course, you’re incompatible. There are only so many things that you need to keep a relationship going but maybe if you just believe in yourselves and love with all your heart, you’ll have that world you’ve been dreaming of.

When you know that the answer of what have you been doing is waiting for them, you know there’s nothing such as long distance.

Cheers to love!