No Cure, Not Ever

If charity begins at home, then so does everything else- bias, stereotyping.

I am not advocating women rights here. Even though this might turn out be another feminist article but that is not exactly what I mean to put across. Because I feel I’m not qualified to do so.

For the 19 years that I have lived, I have seen my mother follow the same routine like a ritual. From 5 in the morning to 10 in the night, she took care of our food, our sleep, our homework, our studies, us. One might frown and say that hey look, my mother does the same. I agree. All mothers follow more or less the same routine with the same objective of taking care of the family. But what happens when they decide to change their lifestyles and live for themselves?

Picture this: a woman, who has worked for more than a decade, is suddenly forced to leave her job one day, moves to a different city where she has no social life and her only companion is the idiot box. How does her family treat her now? Now that she is not working, she has nothing to do all day. The children come home and pester her as to why doesn’t she make tasty lunch. “Mom, you’re free all day!” The husband comes home to find faults in random things. “What have you been doing all day?!” Well, the tiffins were ready, the water for bathing was warm enough, the lunch was served hot, there were snacks for the evening and dinner would’ve been ready in sometime. So, what was she doing all day? Nothing, yet everything.

Why is it that we can’t tolerate a woman sitting in front of the television, enjoying herself, without worrying about what chore she has to do next? Does she always have to be doing something to show that she does something? If she has a maid cooking for her, everyone will grant her even more free and then if she assigns any work to any other member of the family, there is wave of reaction. “You are not doing anything! Why don’t you do this yourself?” If she’s going to shop for herself, then the family has an objection. “Why herself? She should buy me something first!” If she’s looking for clothes for herself and needs assistance, everyone shakes their heads and moves on but if she does the same, then she’s selfish. In any case, there’s no respite for her because she is a woman. One tiny mistake in taking care of something trivial is a cause for havoc in the house. I have seen this scenario and unfortunately, have been a part of it. All of us, who study, advocate and fight for feminism, who live in 21st Century boasting in social gatherings of how our women have become independent, somewhere or the other are a part of what we are fighting against.

We can have a 2^nd Wave of Feminism and maybe a 20^th Wave many years down the line, what’s deep rooted cannot go out with education, awareness, protests- nothing. It’s hereditary, genetic, and even epidemic. While real diseases maybe cured, this one can never be.

This Door Swings Both Ways

                                                                                                                                                            Cross dresser. When I asked a few people what came to their mind when they hear this word, loud makeup, attention seeker, cheap accessories, fantasy, dual identity, gay were the predominant emotions. In fact, a lot of people believe that cross dressing is a feature of homosexual people in particular. If he’s a cross dresser, he’s gay. So is this all their lives are about? Would no one bother to know what really goes on in their lives? Is that all the recognition they deserve?

 

Source: Google

The answer is no- to all questions. Cross dressers have a life- a great life at times- beyond their clothes. And, as a matter of fact, cross dressers are not gay. They have wives and children like any other normally dressing man. Says Mattie, author of the blog ‘The Girl Inside’ “Less than 10% of cross dressers consider themselves as bisexual or homosexual. The stereotype that cross dressers must be gay, comes from the false assumption that femininity exists to serve masculinity...the vast majority of the time women dress is to look nice for themselves, to feel better about themselves, or to impress each other. Cross dressers are the same; they dress up because it feels nice, not necessarily to attract the attention of men.” We don’t make an effort to know the reality. For many of us, they are a laughing stock while others condemn it as ‘kalyug’ and the rest don’t care.

Cross dressing has been written about and recorded in history. There are instances in Greek, Norse and Hindu mythology while literature, folklore, theatre and music contain a rich history of it. In Hindu Mythology, in Mahabharata, Arjuna crossdressed as Brihannala and became a dance teacher during his term of exile. In Greek Mythology, in punishment for his murder of Iphitus, Heracles/Hercules was given to Omphale as a slave. Many variants of this story say that she not only compelled him to do women's work, but compelled him to dress as a woman whiles her slave.

Cross dressing is not just a male attribute. History has a record of females dressed as fully fledged males. In Norse Mythology, when Hervor (from Hervarar saga) learnt that her father had been the infamous Swedish berserker Angantyr, she dressed as a man, called herself Hjörvard and lived for a long time as a Viking. George Sand is the pseudonym of Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin, an early 19th century French novelist who preferred to wear men's clothing exclusively. In her autobiography, she explains in length the various aspects of how she experienced cross-dressing. Dorothy Lawrence was an English war reporter who disguised herself as a man so she could become a soldier in World War I.

Unfortunately, a female dressing as a male has become more or less a fashion statement with entire fashion ranges modeled on the basic structure of male clothes, while males dressing as females are either entertainers or a topic of mockery. A cross dresser has actually started a blog to ‘out’ himself as a cross dresser. He has a wife and child but they don’t know it yet. He thinks doing so through a blog is going to make his wife trust him. But no, that might not happen because she was lied to. That lying comes from the fear of not being accepted. That is how bad the situation is. And everyone’s shouting and advocating feminism.

Another site, in fact a lot of sites, busts various myths about cross dressing. One is surprised to find that our stereotyped thinking is actually wrong. What surprised me was what all could people think! Cross dressing is not only regarded as a feature of homosexuality, myth says it is also a mental disease which cannot be cured! Things like ‘it is a sin’; ‘if my children come in front of one, they too will become so’ are also on the list. A friend quips, “What opinion on cross dressers? I like gaming, you like BlackBerry, someone likes chocolate, some like sports! It’s a lifestyle choice. In fact, why name them at all? Why call them cross dressers? They are people, like any one of us. We should all just get a life and let them live their own!”

A lot of people believe that cross dressing in males comes from the feeling of being an underachiever and they do it to attract attention to themselves. Mattie says, “Nothing could be further from the truth!” About himself he says, “In my case throughout college I was near the top of my class. I was a DJ on a radio station that covered most of a major metropolitan area, served as president of both my high school and college class – and was in the honors society of my area of study. I’ve since attained a Masters degree in my field and again graduated near the top of my class.”

The society has assigned clothes to a specific gender; clothes haven’t been made like that. No body’s making fun of femininity by dressing up like a woman- except comedians who intend it to be a part of their act. It is a beautiful act, not at the materialistic level but at an emotional level. All that the cross dressers are trying to do is expressing their love for femininity. That doesn’t make them retards or sinners. This attitude leads to severe depression among them which might be dangerous to the people around them or fatal to themselves.

Cross dressing is more than just fashion and loud makeup. If one does it, it is to make one feel good about oneself. Cross dressing is as legal and as much a fundamental right as is right to life and personal liberty. Accept them, include them and let them live like any other person.