Leftovers

Fragments of your smell in the blanket. Bits of your memories on the sheets. Indifferentiable whispered Iloveyous. Fading feel of your lips against mine. Rising cold realization. Numbing of my mind. Half closed, sleep craving, waiting hollows of eyes. Drying words. Cooling passion and firing up again. Curled toes and trembling fingers. Reminiscence of your breath on my face. Messy hair. Salty thin strings of water from above. Your absence in the presence of your leftovers.

Don't go please.


Or are you gone already?

Freeze

You know when time flies?

I want it to stop.

I want it to breathe.

This is where we belong.

Stop, just stop right here

And see we’re happy.

See we’re smiling in the midst of a few happy tears.

See us love each other like we wanted to.

See us fly but don’t learn.

See us get lost in each other,

And relish the moment.

Cherish us together,

Bring us alive again.

Hold our hands and dance.

Just be, be how we want you to be.

Don’t bring about your end,

Just freeze.  

Smoke

The door opened,

You walked towards me,

Giant steps,

Loud thuds.

I was there,

Soaked in blood,

I lay painless.

You touched me.

You grew on my blood,

Laughed at my tears,

You took my heart in your hand,

Heard its silence and chuckled.

And then you took your steps backwards.

I lifted my hand,

In vain,

I felt dead,

There was no pain,

I was dead.

And then I heard

The last thud

A last chuckle.

You disappeared,

The door closed.

Did You Know Why?

Intoxication, high

Most of the times, you don't know why.

I speak, three wonder creating words,

You smile, I wait for you to be heard.

I see you again,

With a look, same

I speak again

But this time, you don't feign

A smile, you cry

I thought I knew why.

I run my fingers through your hair

Hold you for long, it was only fair

You deserved this,

I didn't know what I'd missed.

I sit down beside you,

Speak words, new.

"You share your dreams, I'll tell you mine,

Together we'll create a dream, make our lives sublime"

You smile at me weakly,

You knew I am beaming,

You shake your head and walk away.

She says she feels sorry and holds your hand,

You wrap your arms around her, not a word you say.

I see you again,

With a look, same

You turn around and so do I,

If only you'd told me,

Why the intoxication, why the high.

Dazed, Amazed, Awed.

“The laws that lay down who should be loved, and how. / And how much" (The God Of Small Things, 311).

And that one quote summarizes the whole book.

First published in 1997, I think it was just the right time for me read this. Not too old to over-understand and then to judge and not too young to confuse completely. Since it’s more than a decade old, there’s no point in me telling you the story. Moreover, it’s very difficult to narrate the story. The book is written in non-linear form, which is confusing yet so brilliant. It follows a narrative style like that of Shadow Lines (by Amitav Ghosh. Another masterpiece, I must say) but the plot, I think, is much more complex. There are even lesser closures and the end couldn't have been more abrupt. Yet, I love it for its themes, the undaunted portrayal of love and the true portrayal of manipulation and power relations. I am still dazed and I think I’ll have to read once again to completely absorb it.

There is a lot of dramatic characterization in the book but that too is quite subtle and punched with bits of direct characterization in between. So it’s quite hard to say which one was my favorite character. But I think it was Velutha. He was absent for most part of the book and it took me some time to understand why he loved the two-egg twins so much. But when I did and when he died, even before I read the final chapter, I’ve never felt such remorse for any fictional character as for him. He was betrayed – first by his own father, then by his Comrade Pillai and then, unknowingly, by the child he loved so much-Estha.

He knew what his caste meant, he knew what repercussions his action would have, he knew there might not be a ‘tomorrow’ and so it happened and yet the only truth in his life and in Ammu’s life was their love.

Maybe it’s only because I’m smitten by the idea of love, but the way Arundhati Roy has explored it is fantastic. The love between Ammu and Velutha broke all barriers, literally. Different castes and what a place to love each other. Baby Kochamma’s love for Father Mulligan – attained truly in his death. Chacko’s unconditional and almost blind love for Margaret Kochamma and their daughter.

The twins’ love for each other triumphs over all of them. Truly, it was never you and me for them. They were always ‘we’.

One character that truly saddens me is Estha. He turned into a recluse, I think, because he realized what he did to Velutha, because he said “But that will be never” to Ammu, because the “orangelemondrink man” violated him and he never opened up to anyone. Estha, “the Practical One” was manipulated throughout the book. Rahel was rebel. She resisted the manipulation, fought it when she could and learned to live on her own. But Estha is one of the saddest literary characters ever (in my knowledge).

I’m awed by her language. Her sentences. Her words. The lack of proper closures, some missing bits which I wanted to know, specially Estha’s life in detail in his father’s house make me restless but I’ll live. :)

It deserves another read. And you can’t understand it one go. There are so many things that I'm missing out on but I can't possible explain each of them. Beautiful quotes in between which you should probably mark out. Great work, inspires me.

Vodka Shot Numero Tres

Hum ne bahane se, chhup ke zamane se, palkon ke parde main ghar bhar liya..

The music of this song randomly popped in my head and I YouTube-ed it immediately to pacify the desperate urge I had to listen to this song. And I realized what I fool I’d been that I didn’t have it in my phone. (Which reminds me that I need a great result for an iPod so I can store all my songs in it. And DU is taking forever!)

Ae Zindagi, Gale Laga Le. Beautiful song, beautiful lyrics. I know everything about the movie, Sadma – the movie in which this song is played but have never had the guts to watch it because what I saw was the last scene. Every time I think about it, it gives me goose bumps. I cannot bear to watch such a wonderful relationship end in blood and how! But I must say, the movie was a masterpiece.

The five minute song delicately shows almost every aspect of their relationship. It moves your heart and Sridevi’s impeccable performance caresses your soul. You can relate so much to the lyrics that it’s almost as if it’s about your life.

I have never been a fan of South Indian remakes but this and Hindustani, both with Kamal Hassan in the lead, mesmerized me.

Go and listen to it first, even before reading this, if you haven’t heard the song yet. 


And then wish yourself a very Happy New Year, from me. :)

Vodka Shot Numero Dos

Have you ever thought about dreams? Not our dreams of life, but the dreams we dream when we are asleep. It’s a world in its own, don’t you think? Whatever explanations I’ve heard on them never satisfied me. Dreams are intriguing, sometimes troubling, excruciating, intricate yet magnificent, beautiful, hopeful, significant. Where do they come from? From our thoughts but how does something we see, while we are asleep, recreate the feeling of touch. So much so that you can even feel the other person breathe in your dream. And not just of anybody, it is that of the exact same person you’ve been dreaming about. How do locations change? What do these dreams mean? Should they be taken as signs?

They’re so colorful yet so sad because we can never truly interpret it rightly. But maybe, it is better if, in this world of so many not desired meanings and unwanted answers, some things are left to our own personal imagination…